Repurposing Our Lives

It’s interesting when I meet someone and they ask me what I do for a living. Sometimes I’m met with a sad face. Sometimes I’m met with a warm smile. Those that get it tell me how lucky I am to be able to care for my father. Those that don’t, well they look at me with this look of sadness. It’s as if they think I’ve ruined my life. I haven’t ruined my life. I’m learning lessons. I’m finding strength and patience.

Unfortunately I have battled with the patience aspect. Unfortunately my patience is lost more so on my family, not my father. It’s a learning process. It’s a life juggle. It’s a day to day experience and so far I have met myself in the mirror each day with a constant battle of wits. There is the loving caring side telling me to keep going. There’s the agitated side of me telling myself to chuck it all. Run.

Isn’t that a battle we all have? Isn’t that normal? I think if we are being truly honest with ourselves, we can all say we’ve been there.

Thursday my father and I met with a lung specialist. He has been scheduled for a pet scan. Dad dropped on me that he was leaving after the appointment. His Jeep was already packed. Now, I’ve complained about this before. It scares me knowing he’s driving three hours alone. He gets tired. But, as his psychiatrist told me, I have to let my father be an adult. I have no choice but to smile and tell him I love him. To say goodbye, have a great trip. After all, he’s not manic. He’s not depressed. He’s doing exactly what moving in with us was meant to do for him, he’s living.

My mother and my step father were going to their cabin for the weekend. When they heard my father was coming down, they dropped all plans to go and invited him to stay in their home for the weekend, so he wouldn’t be alone. How amazing is that? Two divorced people and the husband of my mother, all sharing a weekend together. Selflessness is a beautiful gift if you allow yourself to open up to it. I’m so lucky to have my mother and step father. They are learning, too. Their hearts are growing.

It’s a beautiful thing.