I haven’t really felt compelled to write anything this entire week. It’s been pretty chill and then there was today.
I took dad to his first appointment with his new doctor and dad was RAMPED the F up. I was embarrassed. The appointment lasted forever… He yelled really loud how he’s so happy he’s wasting his precious time waiting. I asked him what is there we really have going on and he said, “Well, we have to go to cvs, get cigarettes and listen to Toby Keith. Oh and get coffee. Only he said coffee like, CAAWFEEEE.
Omg- I’m dying
After that he wanted coffee (of course) and then he saw a music store and HAD to stop for $3.00 reeds for his old clarinet. Well, I learned a lesson by not going into the store. I finally did at minute 11 and he’d already purchased a thousand dollar clarinet. He begged me to let him keep the damn thing and said he’d quit smoking. It’s on layaway.
THEN when we got home with five bottles of his medicine from CVS he managed to somehow lose one of the F’ers. I can’t find it anywhere, but I know he had it because the label for it was ripped off the bottle and in our recycle bin.
THEN while I was searching the house for it hoping to GAWD one of the damn dogs wasn’t overdosing and dying somewhere, Dad got in his damn Jeep and left. He was looking for his lost knife. It’s still missing.
I said I started this blog as an outlet. Well, I just LET it OUT. Still smiling. He’s walking around the house with a car deodorizer clip on his hat now because his breath smells, apparently.
I cried a little while ago and my father looked at me and said, ” Chan, I can’t let this be too much on you. I can’t let that happen and I’m going to straighten up with all my might because if I let this get too much on you, you give up on me and I need you.”
If this all sounds funny, I guess you’re right. It is funny. It’s also really sad and Bipolar Disorder is MEAN. Cruel. Ugly and very very spontaneous and I’m not spontaneous. I’m learning though, and that folks… Is all I can do, because when I wake up tomorrow my father will greet me with “gooooooood morning Miss America” and my morning will feel like a thousand blessings answered at once because he’s happy that a new day has begun.